We don’t really believe in New Year’s Resolutions. Mainly because they end up being big elephants in every room as you continue to live like you did last year. By February we just start to feel guilty about not sticking to them and pretend they never happened. Right? Don’t worry, we get it. But what if there are some things you want to shift in the New Year? How can we go about it? Take a few moments to ask yourself these questions and move into the New Year with a new perspective, not a list of ‘to-dos’ that we all know never get checked off.

Decide what didn’t work

Take a moment to reflect on the year that was. How your life, work, relationships, rest, play, hobbies, and health played out. Plus anything else you want to add. What went wrong in what areas or what would you like to not happen again in 2020? It might be that you got less sleep than you would have liked so you felt tired. It could be you spent time with people who took energy from you and gave nothing back. It could be that you didn’t give enough time and thought to your friendships. Be critical.

Make a list: This is what we want less of in the New Year.

Decide what did work

Then do the same thing in relation to what you loved, what worked, what felt right, and what made you happy, productive, healthy, rested, and connected to those around you? This can be as small as your morning coffee, to resolving fights with a loved one, to epic job or life shifts. Make a list of feelings, actions, sensations, and decisions that worked.

Make a list: This is what we want more of in the New Year.

Decide how you want to feel

One of the biggest downfalls of resolutions and goal setting is that people assume once they’ve reached their goal, things will be all fixed. Take a goal of losing weight for example. You can be unhappy or happy with your body at any weight. The goal is to be healthy, happy, and comfortable where you are, right? So decide how you want to feel. Maybe it’s body confident, maybe it’s valued at work, maybe it’s supported in your relationships.

Make a list of all the things you want to feel.

Decide how you’re going to get there

Take a look at the things you want more of. How might you be able to bring them into your life? Do you need to be bolder? Do you need to rest more? And what about the things that you want less of. Do you need to have a tough conversation with a friend? Do you need to have a tough conversation with yourself? And finally, look at the list of how you want to feel. This is your guide for 2020. Notice when things are going away from this list. Check back with the lists of wants and don’t wants and notice if you’ve crept back into the don’t want list. And use the things that worked to get you back to how you feel. Because at the end of the day, that is most important.

Happy 2020!